Hitting the reset button

I have had a big decision to make recently, although the choice I made was probably the only option left to me at this stage what with the dissertation deadline next week. To give the shortened version of what has happened, basically I choked and I'm deferring until next year.

The work on my dissertation had been getting to me for these past few months, and it seemed the harder I tried to work on it the less I would get done. I think I addressed this problem in this blog before when I talked about the book by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi and flowful working experiences. One of the things it talked about was how anxiety prevents a person from reaching a flowfull state, and even worse, prevents them from working effectively at all.

So that's what has been happening to me. I was worried about my dissertation from the get go and because of that I allowed it to turn into a monster in my mind. I suffered complete mental blocks everytime I approached it and like when a word gets stuck on the tip of your tongue and the harder you try to fight it the more it eludes you, the only way to remember what the word was is to not think about it, and the only way I could ever possibly get back on track with the dissertation is if I get some time away from it so I can come back to it with a fresh perspective. Hence why I am now differring the work until next year.

Yes, I'm going to be gutted that I won't be graduating with all me friends this year, and maybe I should be a little upset that I'm going to have to wait another year before I get my degree, but at least this way I'll stand a better chance of walking away with a degree I can be happy with. And because I won't need to stay in Bournemouth for another year I'll be able to go back home and do the work from there. So, apart from the work, my university experience will be over.